memento mori
Memento Mori by Joanna Ebenstein
I've been reading Memento Mori by Joanna Ebenstein. It's simultaneously comforting, illuminating, and deeply disturbing—by disturbing, I mean a deeply uncomfortable read.
My whole life, I've been so terrified of death that I feel like I haven't given myself permission to truly live.
My anxiety, malaise, my search for purpose, and my frustrations in response to the meaninglessness of how life can sometimes feel are all outward manifestations of not dealing with my eventual death.
My mother dying of breast cancer when I was a teenager catapulted me into living with crippling health anxiety. Daily, I fight intrusive thoughts of getting breast cancer, dying of a sudden aneurysm, or some other calamity. A constant loop of worst-case scenarios, which feels so exhausting.
A popular maxim I gleaned from therapy a few years ago is that I need to face my fears head-on in order to overcome them. I can accept this concept intellectually, but embodying it through practice feels overwhelming/terrifying.
When my sister recommended this book, it felt appropriate and suddenly time-right to work on my fear of dying. The author recommends taking twelve weeks to read the book, spending a week with each chapter. We shall see where this journey takes me.
Muskoka and I on our solo morning jaunt yesterday
I swear I'm like a child when I see soft, fluffy snow like this. It's beautiful, and I love walking through it.
Sunday afternoon, K and I took the doggo for a long car ride, stopping for a short walk with our hot drinks. We went out to dinner, came home, vegged, and binged a million episodes of Hannibal while eating movie popcorn we had gotten earlier in the day.
Sketchbook things
heart-ons
Tarot, zines, and prints from Morbid Anatomy.
A light world, written with guitar and voice between 2022-2023. The ephemeral poetry/songs blink lightly across the screen.
These tiny bottles and potions (oils) from Kindred Black look magical.
In praise of zines by Justin Duke.
My favorite tarot deck is from Little Darkness.