Ever since my dad got sick back in the fall of 2022, I’ve been slowly sinking into some kind of depression.
Slowly at first, and then all at once, I was grasping at lifelines wherever I could find them. I haven’t been myself. Trying to find comfort in people that are unfortunately struggling with their own demons. And what I was hoping to find wasn’t romance per se, but connection. A resonance. I wanted someone to take it all away. But that’s a horrible thing to put on someone. An impossible task.
The one person I looked forward to hearing from has run away (emotionally speaking). He was a soft place to land, and now he’s gone.
What I needed/need is a therapist.
I’m lonely in these feelings, just like I feel lonely in life in general. Especially this week, the loneliness is palpable, like a physical ache in the pit of my chest. Feels like I have nowhere/no one to turn towards.
I focus on the wrong things. I get caught up in people who can’t give me what I need, which ends up hurting so badly.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for out here.
I put myself in situations where the only outcome is pain, and I don’t want it to be like this anymore.