Propped up in bed with my leg brace off this morning, I skimmed the side of my leg with my finger and noticed I couldn't feel certain areas. I peeled back a small piece of the tensor bandage, exposing some skin, and traced my finger over it.

Zero feeling. Numb.

Not even when I pressed down on it with the tip of my pencil eraser.

What a strange feeling. Tears pooled up as I traced the edge of the circular area with no sensation. The black hole on the map of my leg is roughly 6x6 cm.

The surgeon said I'd have permanent numbness in various areas of my leg since he had to cut through nerves during surgery. Who knows, maybe my nerves will miraculously regenerate. Or not. I'll have to wait and see.

Small wins > lost things


Cy Twombly, Polaroid of Tulips


Does every person we encounter, however brief the relationship, mutate us? Small-scale alternations imprinted on us like tattoos, or newly acquired microbes, morphing us into our new selves.

My bedroom: a hospital room. New hold bars, tables on wheels, painkillers, and dead flowers.


Hey Love—filous, The Kooks