My dad’s wife just texted us
Not really sure what to think. Or feel. Or how to process any of it. I thought we had more time.
When we were there on Sunday, he didn’t say very much. We mostly sat in silence. I guess the time for in-depth conversations has passed.
My dad and I have had a tumultuous relationship in this life. A lot of hurtful things between us over the years. But even so, he’s the only one who fully understands me. And now, after everything, all I want is more time. One more season. One more year.
I’m scared to be in a world where he is not.
I find myself wanting to grasp something. Something outside the realm of reason to remove this awful sadness from my chest. I'm not religious, although I understand how it might provide a soft spot to land, especially in times like this. I don't know. I can feel that there's something out there, a certain energy perhaps. But this notion still doesn't alleviate the turmoil of losing my dad...my pops. Maybe nothing can.