In your eyes

When my bf died a few years ago from an overdose, I swore I’d never be in another relationship again. That experience was immensely painful and traumatic; I never wanted to go through that type of heartache again.

Fast forward to present day, and I’m still pushing people away who want to get close to me.

As of late, I can see why I would mistake online relationships (of any kind) as a safer choice. A haven from the complexities of real-life interactions. They’re behind a screen, a text away, yet not fully intertwined in the reality of your day.

But as time passes, a natural progression of disclosure starts to unravel on the page, and a closeness starts to materialize. They become a daily anchor, a touchstone, a meaningful respite. And this closeness starts to blur, and the chances of getting hurt becomes a viable possibility.

Hiding behind a screen, a text, or an email won’t save you from the complexities of the human heart. People will still run away, disappoint you, or cast you aside. Perhaps more so, as the awkwardness of face-to-face is non-existent, all you need to do is ignore them into oblivion until they become a vague memory.

People are strange. We all have our idiosyncrasies, demons, and myriad ways of viewing the world. Forging connections and letting someone in is tough, no matter the venue, in real life or online. We’re all just trying to make it out alive.

In Your Eyes Peter Gabriel