for what exactly

My sister is gone for almost four hours. I'm terrified to crutch around in case I fall. There's no one around to help if I do. I guess I shouldn't be having a drink.

Tomorrow is even worse. She'll be gone all day. The PSW will be here a couple times but yeah, essentially here by myself again. Scary.

Friday is my 6-week follow-up with my surgeon. My hopes aren't sky-high. I know that I'll most likely be held up until December. But a small part of me is hoping for the best.


How did I even get here?

My life feels like it's circling the drain...a complete waste of a life. What have I done? What am I proud of?

I can't seem to hold onto anything or anyone.

My best isn't the best. Has my best ever truly been my best?

They say we choose this life...that somehow we choose this exact time in history and all the people in our lives while we're a spirit up in the ether somewhere, to learn specific lessons, sometimes over and over again until we get it "right." Do you believe this theory?

So, I chose to come to this Earth to continually have my heart broken? For what exactly?