fishbowl existence

Now: Propped up in bed. Music in my ears. Coffee, lukewarm, on the table beside me.

Dream last night: I made a mistake at work, and somehow my dad shows up asking if I want to go for a walk. I said yes, but first I had to find my shoes...then I woke up. I should have just gone for a walk with him barefoot.

Mood: Feeling lonely. Frustrated. Melancholic.

Yesterday: Massage therapist and chiropractor gave me back-to-back therapy (torture). I'm so tired of being touched every day, if that makes any sense. It feels like overload. I feel blue and battered today. My whole body sore. Thank goodness it's a rest day.

The chiro filled out my FAF form for work. There was only one section I was curious about, and that was the return to work date. I snuck a peek and saw what he wrote: March 2024.

Huh...this whole ordeal: half a year.

Watching: On the last season of Girls, which is my least fav. Feel like moving on to something else.

Heart status: Do I even admit that I still love him? After all this time...after infinite radio silence. What good does admitting my feelings out loud when he doesn't exist in my world anymore. Why can't my heart unclutch itself.

The loop: Writing to myself...about myself, while removing the why from the equation, as the answer will never satisfy.



The Thing—Pixies